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·舟山詩詞·淘海洗玉集 – My Poems, and etc.

Battle Of Brains

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Some lines (see Go to YouTube.com) from Reservation Road (2007)
★ What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
  带着四叶苜蓿穿越毒藤时,你会得到什么呢?
¤ A rash of good luck. (幸运皮疹)
★ What do you call a deer with no eyes? (什么是没有知识的“路”?)
¤ No i-deer. (不知“道”。)
★ What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
 (什么是没有知识、不走正道?)
¤ Still no i-deer. (偏偏不知道)
★ If a man speaks in the middle of the forest with no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
 (如果一个男人在森林中央发表演讲又没有女人做听众,他还是错的吗?)
★ If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
 (如果“正”和“反”相对,那么“反腐”的对象是什么?)
¤ Congress! (政府)

More hard questions in life:
◆ If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
◆ Is a second hand on a clock the second, or actually the third?
◆ Is there another word for synonym?
◆ Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?”
◆ What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
◆ If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
◆ Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
◆ Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
◆ Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
◆ If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
◆ If you are driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
◆ Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
◆ Why is it that when you transport something by a car it is called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
◆ Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
◆ If fire fighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
◆ If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
◆ How can you get four suits for a dollar? –Buy a deck of cards.
◆ How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? –They had reservations.
◆ What can you hold without ever touching it? –A conversation.
◆ What clothes does a house wear? –Address.
◆ What did the rug say to the floor? –Don’t move, I’ve got you covered.
◆ What do bees do with their honey? –They cell it.
◆ Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? –She couldn’t control her pupils.
◆ What do you do when your chair breaks? –Call a chairman.
◆ What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors? –A piano.
◆ What has one horn and gives milk? –A milk truck.
◆ What is a tree’s favorite drink? –Root beer.
◆ Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon? –He took them to a pignic.
◆ Why did the doughnut shop close? –The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!

More Riddles

Q: Four legs and a foot but cannot walk,
   With head without mouth cannot talk
  (四腿一脚不能走,有头无口不能言)
A: Bed (床).
Q: What has mouth but cannot talk, and has bed but cannot sleep?
  (有口不能言,有床不能睡)
A: River (河)
Q: Why did a student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because she saw the salad dressing!
Q: How many apples can you eat if your stomach is empty?
A: One. Because after eating one apple your stomach isn't empty.
Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week) days.
Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
Q: Which horses have six legs?
A: All horses have forelegs (four legs) in front and two in back.
Q: What do you drop when you need it and take back when you don't?
A: Anchor.
Q. What is black when it is clean and white when it is dirty?
A: Blackboard.
Q: What has teeth but can't eat?
A: Comb.
Q: Which candle burns longer: a black one or a white one?
A: Neither. They both burn shorter.
Q: Name five days of the week without Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?
A: The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
Q: What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks?
A: A river.
Q: Which eight-letter word has one letter in it?
A: Envelope.
Q: What is the center of gravity?
A: Letter V.
Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper.
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
Q: What appears once in every minute, twice in every moment, 
   but not once in thousand years?
A: M
Q: Which is the left side of a cake?
A: The side has not been eaten.
Q: Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks.
Q: What is you ought to keep but also give it away?
A: A promise.
Q: Where can you never tell the truth?
A: When you are lying anywhere.
Q: Why is a room full of married couples empty?
A: Because there is not a single man in the room.
Q: What table has no leg?
A: A timetable or vegetable.
Q: Why are people close to their mothers instead of their fathers?
A: Because the father is always farther (father).
Q: What question can never get answer "YES."?
A: Are you asleep?
Q: What is the beginning of everything, also the end of life?
A: E
Q: My tail is long, my coat is brown;
   I like the country, I like the town.
   I can live in a house or live in a shed;
   And I come out to play when you are in bed.
A: Mouse
Q: I sleep by day, I fly by night.
   I have no feathers, To aid my flight.
A: Bat.
Q: What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A: Pineapple
Q: What force and strength cannot get through,
   I, with a gentle touch, can do;
   And many in the street would stand,
   Were I not, as a friend, at hand.
A: Key.
Q: What lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upwards?
A: Icicle
Q: I love to dance and twist and prance,
   I shake my tail, as away I sail,
   Wingless I fly into the sky.
   Who can tell who am I?
A: Kite.
Q: What makes tears without sorrow and takes its journey to heaven?
A: Smoke.
Q: Two brothers we are, great burden we bear
   By which we are bitterly pressed;
   In truth we may say, we are full all the day,
   But empty when we go to rest.
A: Shoes.
Q: Hands she has but does not hold,
   teeth she has but does not bite,
   feet she has but they are cold,
   eyes she has but without sight.
A: Doll.
Q: At night they come without being fetched, 
   and by day they are lost without being stolen.
A: Star.
Q: The greater it is, the less you see of it.
A: Darkness.
Q: I come out of the earth and sold in the market.
   Who buys me cuts my tail and takes off my suit of silk,
   And weeps beside me when I am dead.
A: Onion.
Q: Look in my face, I am somebody; Look in my back, I am nobody.
A: Mirror.
Q: The beginning of eternity, the end of time and space;
   the beginning of every end, and the end of every place.
A: E.
Q: I open wide and tight I shut,
   Sharp am I and paper cut
   Fingers too, so do take care,
   I'm good and bad, so best beware.
A: Scissors
Q: What is it that is bought by the yard but worn by the foot?
A: Carpet.
Q: What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T?
A: Teapot.
Q: What word of only three syllables contains twenty-six letters?
A: Alphabet.
Q: How to put three sixes together so as to make seven?
A: 6+6/6
Q: Why is the letter "A" like noon?
A: Because it's in the middle of the day.
Q. Why was the hearse horse hoarse?
A. Because of the coffin.
Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering.
Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.
Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.
Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.
Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.
Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.
Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
Q: What is the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.
Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos.
Q: What's the difference between electricity and lightening?
A: You don't have to pay for lightening.
Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.
Q: Why did the traffic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.

黑不是白不是红黄更不是和狐狸猫狗彷佛既非家畜又非野兽
诗也有词也有论语上也有对南北东西模糊虽是短品却是妙文

Written by Boathill

2007-12-20 at 23:00

Posted in digest, humor, riddles

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