boat+hill

·舟山詩詞·淘海洗玉集 – My Poems, and etc.

风雪打油

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  我借鹅毛下九重,万千姊妹喜相从。
  连绵昼夜堆三尺,寂寞方圆锁一冬。
  扰扰纷纷飘入巷,徐徐缀缀落成松。
  不辞装点冰凉界,只为湖山爱玉容。 (右录舟山七言律诗《雪花》)

Christmas Snow in Seattle Christmas Snow in Seattle
  大雪封门了。跟着张打油同学写几句顺口溜:窗外风雪冻,屋里暖融融。今天养筋骨,明日踏青松。一首显不出水平,现炒现卖,再来首更通俗易懂的:中午十二点,我还没吃饭。外面下大雪,不知怎么办?
  打完了油,旁边这位平平仄仄地半句都没出口呢,却说我这“文采”是“柴火妞”的“柴”、不是真“才”。马上出口成章一首“三步诗”,驳斥这种“吃不着葡萄说葡萄甜”“躺着睡觉腰不疼”“才尽江郎”的嫉妒心理:自诩为才女,非是柴火妞;你还弗如我,怎地不知羞? ──Divertida LZ 2008.12.25

  附:唐朝张打油以《咏雪》:“江上一笼统,井上黑窟窿。黄狗身上白,白狗身上肿。”之句开创先河。而且他对雪景情有独钟,还在官衙的影壁上题诗一首:“六出飘飘降九霄,街前街后尽琼瑶。有朝一日天晴了,使扫帚的使扫帚,使锹的使锹。”这让县官看见了自然大怒,让人抓来一看这风格就知道是谁的诗人。又按民间传奇故事的套路,罚张打油当场赋诗。其时正值安禄山闹事、南阳城被围,于是打油同学张口吟道:“天兵百万下南阳,也无求援也无粮。有朝一日城破了,哭爹的哭爹,哭娘的哭娘。”结果当然是县官大笑(或哭笑不得地)放人,由得张同学从此扬名立万儿。

  鲁迅还写过一首白话打油,模仿汉朝张衡的《四愁诗》,直讽当时泛滥一时的失恋诗。
我的失恋——拟古的新打油诗
  我的所爱在山腰,想去寻她山太高,低头无奈泪沾袍。爱人赠我百蝶巾,回她什么:猫头鹰。
  从此翻脸不理我,不知何故兮使我心惊。
  我的所爱在闹市,想去寻她人拥挤,仰头无奈泪沾耳。爱人赠我双燕图,回她什么:冰糖壶卢。
  从此翻脸不理我,不知何故兮使我糊涂。
  我的所爱在河滨,想去寻她河水深,歪头无奈泪沾襟。爱人赠我金表索,回她什么:发汗药。
  从此翻脸不理我,不知何故兮使我神经衰弱。
  我的所爱在豪家,想去寻她兮无车,摇头无奈泪如麻。爱人赠我玫瑰花,回她什么:赤练蛇。
  从此翻脸不理我,不知何故兮——由她去罢。

  如今的网络高手,更是为这一文学形式推波助澜:
  好想有个太太,为我做饭烧菜。现实却很无奈,让我仍需等待。也因寂寞难耐,谈过几次恋爱。谁知屡战屡败,轻轻松松被踹。其实我也奇怪,为啥总被淘汰。历尽打击伤害,总算知道大概。嫌我不讲穿戴,嫌我长得不帅。嫌我个头太矮,嫌我没有气派。熊猫长得不帅,却受世人关爱。丑是自然灾害,矮是因为缺钙。做人只求正派,讲啥穿戴气派!我们这个年代,注定缺少真爱。女人不是太坏,就是心胸狭隘。或许除此之外,还有部分可爱。只怕时至现在,早已有了后代。面对这种事态,不要气急败坏。我们除了忍耐,至少还能等待。只要相信真爱,她就一定存在。要么咱就不爱,爱就爱个痛快。没有爱的灌溉,生活百无聊赖。只有好的心态,才能保持愉快。爱情也有好赖,绝对不可草率。我是愿意等待,哪怕青春不在。

  附:看看怎么用英文“贫嘴”:
  玫瑰是红,紫罗兰为蓝。 Roses are red, Violets are blue
  你如猴子,锁在动物园。 Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo
  莫要愤怒,我伴你身边。 Don’t feel so angry you will find me there too
  只在笼外,笑你好可怜。 Not in cage but laughing at you
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  星星闪烁,就在天的边。 Twinkle Twinkle little star
  你的心愿,离得不太远。 You should know what you are
  当你醒来,愿望已实现。 And once you know what you are
  原来你在,精神病医院! Mental hospital is not so far
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  春雨绵绵,让一切美好。 The rain makes all things beautiful.
  同时造就、绿草和花朵。 The grass and flowers too.
  假使这雨,如此的美妙, If rain makes all things beautiful
  淋你一身,无处去藏躲? Why doesn’t it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  God saw me hungry, he created pizza
  He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi
  He saw me in dark, he created light
  He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  When your life is in darkness
  Pray to God to free you from darkness
  And if after you pray and you’re still in darkness,
  Please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL!

  再来个比较严肃的:
Drama Someday(据说是北大学生汤韵词曲并演唱,严冰钢琴演奏)
  People laugh and people cry
  Some give up some always try
  Some say hi while some say bye
  Some will forget you but never will I
  Write down tears or write down smile
  Wanna a sun or a kiss beyond night
  Wave to all in noise or just a quiet
  It is time or the mind which can fly
Congratulations to you let us celebrate the graduation
Drama will be present let us send the invitations
Someday the words can not say out all of the passion
Someday your eyes can answer all the questions
All the stars (have) fallen in to your eyes
and there are where the moon was waken
All the promises (have) fallen into my heart and never be taken
Someday the words just can not say out all of the reasons
Someday my face changes so do seasons
  Find out who you are and don’t be afraid of it
  Drama someday let’s try write down some memories of it
  Someday the story is over it’s just over then
  Hold this breath listen to the song of it
(Piano Solo)
    I laugh i cry and I realize
    Some will forget you but never will I
  People laugh and people cry
  Some give up some always try
  Some say hi while some say bye
  Some will forget you but never will I

Christmas Snow in Sammamish
附:彗星恒星的博客之奉和前句──七律《雪》:
  谁驾长龙越九重,干云垂地夜相从。
  日推北海移三尺,倏结南河寂一冬。
  静静柔柔潜入巷,潇潇洒洒塑苍松。
  春来寒尽观三界,洗却尘嚣更从容。

Written by Boathill

2008-12-25 at 12:00

Posted in humor, Poems, 搞笑

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