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Mathematics in Chinese

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汉语数字谜题


★、二一添作五,用的是什么运算规则?
★、三下五除二,结果是多少?
★、三三见九以後它们做什么去了?
★、四六不靠,那靠什么?
★、不着四六到底是几?
★、谁这么狠心,不管三七二十一?
★、八九不离十,八九为什么离不开十?
★、九九归一,那小九九归几?

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Written by Boathill

2015-07-17 at 12:00

Yes Minister

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英国电视剧《是,大臣》经典摘录

★、人人平等,但是有些人比其他人更加「平等」。
★、人类没有特权,哈克先生。我们不凌驾于自然之上,我们属于自然。你知道,人也是动物。 ——我知道,我刚去过下议院。
★、你有什么建议?——你能保守秘密吗?——当然。——我也能。
★、你知道首相的座右铭:败则怀恨在心,胜则反攻倒算。
★、你给研究所的证词会不会支持我的观点?是或不是?!讲明白!——大臣,您如果一定要我讲明白,我只能说,就目前情况,纵观全局,纵览古今,考虑各部门平均水平,总结性地分析,也许可以认为……综上所述,概括说来,您很可能发现……尽管也许不中听,无论如何……恐怕前景微妙!现阶段只能如此预期!——你到底说“是”还是“不是”?——“是”,也“不是”!
★、你越不想做什么事,你越不停地说这件事.
★、公务员工作三原则:越拖延越高效,越费钱越便宜,越秘密越民主。
★、典型欧共体官员什么样?意大利人的组织能力,德国人的“弹性”,法国人的“谦逊”,再加上比利时人的“想象力”,荷兰人的“慷慨”,还有爱尔兰人的“智慧”!而且还是个美差!喝香槟、吃鱼子酱、公家豪华轿车、私人飞机……个个都伸嘴在食槽里拱,大多数人连前蹄也伸了出去!
★、官方答复是什么意思?——就是回复“大臣感谢您的来信”再说些“正在考虑中”这样的话。要是您觉得一样,也可以说些“正在积极考虑中”这样的话。——有何不同?——“正在考虑中”意思是文件已经丢了,“正在积极考虑中”的意思是我们正在找。
★、实际上,只有城市中产阶级操心保护乡村的事情,因为他们不用住那里。
★、我国政府的运作方式在于大臣从我们提供的方案中遴选决策,对吧?所以,如果他们掌握了事实,他们会看到其他可能性,甚至会自己提出方案来,而不从我们提供的两三个方案中选。
★、报纸和政府不一样。如果我们发表了声明,我们得证明那是真的。
★、政府应对指责的五个标准理由(借口):1.这些事都有合理解释,但出于安全考虑,不能公开。2.由于降低了预算,监管力量削弱才有了这一疏忽。3.该实验值得一做,并已经停止,得到了大量珍贵数据。还提供了就业。4.有些重要信息,尘埃落定以后我们才能得知。下不为例。5.由个人决策失误引起,已根据内部纪律条例予以处理。
★、政治第一定律:只有官方否认的才可信。
★、明天是我妻子的结婚周年纪念日。——也是你的!——哦对,也是我的!
★、有四个词能让大臣采纳提案:快捷、简单、时兴、便宜。还有四个词能让提案被大臣否决:复杂、耗时、昂贵、争议。要彻底排除大臣采纳的可能性,就得说这个决定“有魄力”。“有争议”只表示“会失去部分选票”,“有魄力”表示“会输掉整个大选”!
★、民主国家的公民当然有权利了解(政策).——不,他们有无知的权利。知识代表着阴谋和罪行,无知倒有一定的尊严。你不能让人们得其所愿,如果这对他们没有好处的话。你会给一个酒鬼白兰地吗?如果人们不知道你在干什么,他们就不知道你做错了什么。
★、这能让我们找到方法杜绝浪费政府资金。——但是公众对如何挥霍公家的财产可是一窍不通,我们才是专家!
★、浪费了七万五千英磅叫小错?那什么是大错?——让人发现了就叫大错。
★、演讲之妙并不在于大臣说真话,而在于没人证明他说谎。

Humpy’s way talking

S01E02
Notwithstanding the provisions of subsection 3, section A, clause 214 
of the Administrative Procedures Scotland Act 1978, it is proposed that 
in so far as the implementation of the statutory provisions is concerned, 
the resolution of anomalies and uncertainties as between responsible departments 
shall fall within the purview of the Minister for Administrative Affairs.

I wonder if there's anything that might persuade you, President, 
to consider recasting that sentence and transferring the emphasis 
from the specific instance to the abstract concept without, 
of course, in any way, impairing the conceptual integrity of the theme.


S01E03
No, we must let him panic.
Politicians like to panic. They need activity.
It's their substitute for achievement.


S01E04
Well, in the first place as we've agreed that question is not...
In the second place, if there had been investigations,
which there haven't or not necessarily,
or I am not at liberty to say whether there have,
there would have been a project team, which,
had it existed, on which I cannot comment,
which would now have disbanded if it had existed
and the members returned to do their departments,
if indeed there had been any such members.


S01E05
If you ask me for a straight answer
then I shall say that, as far as we can see,
looking at it by and large, taking one time with another,
in terms of the average of departments,
then in the final analysis it is probably true to say
that at the end of the day, in general terms,
you would probably find that
not to put too fine a point on it,
there probably wasn't very much in it one way or the other -
As far as one can see ... at this stage.

I'm sorry, but sometimes one is forced to consider
the possibility that affairs are being conducted in a way
which all things being considered, and making all possible 
allowances is, not to put too fine a point on it,
perhaps not entirely straightforward.


S01E06
Minister, the traditional allocation of executive responsibilities
has always been so determined as to liberate
the ministerial incumbent from the administrative minutiae
by devolving the managerial functions
to those whose qualifications have better formed them
for the performance of such humble offices, thereby releasing
their political overlords for the more onerous duties
and deliberations which are the inevitable concomitant
of their exalted position.


S02E03
Well, it was to the effect that,
in view of the nebulous and inexplicit nature of your remit,
arguably peripheral nature of your influence on decisions
within the political process,
there could be a case for restructuring their action priorities
so as to eliminate your liquidation from their agenda.
... That was the gist of it.
What's it mean in English?
It means that they don't think you're important enough
for it to be worth assassinating you.


S03E03
The identity of the official whose alleged responsibility
for this hypothetical oversight,
as being the subject of recent discussion,
is not shrouded in quite such impenetrable obscurity
as previous disclosures led you to assume.
But not to put too fine a point on it...
the individual in question is, It may surprise you to learn,
one whom your present interlocutor...
is in the habit of defining...
by means of the perpendicular pronoun.

We were overworked, there was panic!
Parliamentary questions tabled.
Obviously I'm not a trained lawyer
or I wouldn't have been in charge of the Legal Unit!


S03E06
Yes, but now you know personally, if not officially,
you can use your personal knowledge
to start official investigations
to get official confirmation of personal suspicions
so what you now know personally, but not officially,
you will then know officially as well as personally.

My attention has been drawn to information
which suggests possible irregularities under
Section 1 of the Export Powers Defence Act 1939c.
Evidence suggests there may be a case for further investigation
to establish whether enquires should be put in hand.
It should be stressed that available information is limited
and facts could be difficult to establish with any certainty.


S03E07
Railway trains are impartial too.
But if you lay down the lines for them, that's the way they go!

Written by Boathill

2014-12-20 at 18:00

Posted in Drama, humor, review

Algoryhme

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I think that I shall never see
A graph more lovely than a tree.
A tree whose crucial property
Is loop-free connectivity.
A tree that must be sure to span
So packets can reach every LAN.
First, the root must be selected.
By ID, it is elected.
Least-cost paths from root are traced.
In the tree, these paths are placed.
A mesh is made by folks like me,
Then bridges find a spanning tree.

– an Algoryhme by Radia Perlman
(Developer of Spanning Tree, see also)

Written by Boathill

2013-08-26 at 11:30

Posted in humor, IT, rhymes

Interesting Quotes

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  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking. (Martin H. Fischer)
  • Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. (Ambrose Bierce)
  • Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. (Erica Jong)
  • All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. (H. L. Mencken)
  • Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. (Oscar Wilde)
  • An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously. (Charles F. Kettering)
  • Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. (John Wilmot)
  • Before software is reusable it first has to be usable. (Ralph Johnson)
  • Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them. (Unknown Author)
  • Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. (André Gide)
  • Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. (Pablo Picasso)
  • Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. (Cale Yarborough)
  • Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. (Albert Einstein)
  • Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. (Douglas Hofstadter)
  • I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. (Lily Tomlin)
  • I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. (Edith Sitwell)
  • I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. (Blaise Pascal)
  • I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. (Woody Allen)
  • I’d rather live with a good question than a bad answer. (Aryeh Frimer)
  • If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. (Mel Brooks)
  • If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. (Joe Martin)
  • If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us. (Anon)
  • If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? (Scott Adams)
  • Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. (Oscar Wilde )
  • In God we trust; all others bring data. (Dr. W. Edwards Deming)
  • In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. (Dwight D. Eisenhower)
  • It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. (Harry Truman)
  • It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)
  • Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. (Cullen Hightower)
  • Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. (Albert Einstein)
  • My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. (Garry Shandling)
  • Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference. (Mark Twain)
  • Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. (Dame Edna Everage)
  • Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. (Ellen Goodman)
  • Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
  • Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to complex and intelligent behavior. Complex rules and regulations give rise to simple and stupid behavior. (Dee Hock)
  • Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. (Gordon R. Dickson)
  • Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. (Sam Levenson)
  • Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. (Arthur Schopenhauer)
  • The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. (Michael Althsuler)
  • The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. (Ellen Parr)
  • The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. (Will Rogers)
  • The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. (Mark Twain)
  • The little I know I owe to my ignorance. (Orville Mars)
  • The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. (Calvin Trillin)
  • The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. (Niels Bohr)
  • The person who reads too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of thinking. (Albert Einstein)
  • The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. (George Bernard Shaw)
  • The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.
  • The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. (Lily Tomlin)
  • Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others. (Groucho Marx)
  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. (Groucho Marx)
  • To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail. (Abraham Maslow)
  • Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. (Lao-Tze)
  • We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. (Aristotle)
  • We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong. (Bill Vaughan)
  • We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. (Robert Wilensky)
  • What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. (John Ruskin)
  • When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty. (Norm Crosby)
  • Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.

Written by Boathill

2013-04-06 at 19:30

Posted in humor

Promote your humor

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提升幽默
★、不成熟男人的标志是可以为了理想壮烈的牺牲,成熟男人的标志的可以为了理想卑贱的活着。
★、不要叫我宅女,请叫我居里夫人。
★、个头大就一定厉害吗?恐龙不是照样灭绝了!
★、人人都说我丑,其实我只是美得不明显。
★、人性最可怜的就是:我们总是梦想着天边的一座奇妙的玫瑰园,而不去欣赏今天就开在我们窗口的玫瑰 。
★、人生只有三天,活在昨天的人迷惑;活在明天的人等待;活在今天的人最踏实。
★、人生最大的悲哀是青春不在,青春痘却还在。
★、令人不能自拔的,除了牙齿还有爱情。
★、你为什么不找个安静的地方自个儿数数脑细胞儿去?
★、你有什么不开心的事?说出来让大家开心一下。
★、你说你以后可能会和不喜欢的人结婚,没关系,我愿意做那个你不喜欢的人。
★、做人一定要做一个蹦蹦跳跳的人。
★、再丑也要谈恋爱,谈到世界充满爱!
★、农民伯伯把玉米种在地里,到了秋天收获很多玉米;我在春天把老公种在地里,现在秋天到了, 啧啧,居然死了!
★、凡我放不下的,必是因为我拥有不了的。
★、出租车司机,司机中的战斗机,噢耶!
★、别紧张,我又不是什么好人……
★、别跟我谈感情,谈感情伤钱。
★、别轻易对别人说爱,别固执的将别人心门打开,又玩笑着离开。
★、合久必分,分久必合;喝酒必疯,逢酒必喝。
★、咸鱼翻身,还是咸鱼。
★、在中国队面前,穿黄色球衣的泰国队恍惚间也有了巴西队的风范。
★、在哪里摔倒就在哪里躺下。
★、夏天就是不好,穷的时候连西北风都没得喝,幸亏现在是秋天了。
★、大多数人想要改造这个世界,但却罕有人想改造自己。
★、女人喜欢长得坏坏的男人,不是喜欢长坏了的男人。
★、女人是水做的,男人是泥做的,李俊基李宇春都是水泥做的。
★、女子无才便是德,我一定是太缺德了。
★、好久没有人把牛皮吹的这么清新脱俗了!
★、如果心情不好,就去超市捏捏方便面!
★、孔子曰:中午不睡,下午崩溃!孟子曰:孔子说的对!
★、将薪比薪的想一下,算了,不想活了。
★、小时候,幸福是简单的事;长大了,简单是幸福的事。
★、小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界,等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我。
★、工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班,领着别人的工资。
★、当你披上了婚纱,我也披上了袈裟~~
★、当男人遇见女人,从此只有纪念日,没有独立日。
★、当裤子失去皮带,才懂得什麽叫做依赖。
★、思想有多远,你就给我滚多远!
★、总有一天你的名字会出现在我家的户口本上!
★、情侣间最矛盾的地方就是幻想彼此的未来,却惦记着对方的过去。
★、我人生只会两件事:这也不会,那也不会。
★、我从不以强凌弱──我欺负他之前真不知道他比我弱……
★、我们的宗旨是:为人民币服务!
★、我又不是人民币,怎么能让人人都喜欢我?!
★、我又不是王子,为什么女孩遇见我总认为自己应该成为公主。
★、我和脂肪做斗争,差点没牺牲。
★、我多想一个不小心就和你白头偕老。
★、我悄悄的来,又悄悄的走,挥一挥匕首,不留一个活口。
★、我曾想成为一个问题少年,然而我却循规蹈矩地活了这么多年。
★、我曾经爱过的男孩,有着世界上最英俊的背影。
★、我由衷地想把赚钱变成我的业余爱好。
★、我知道,天下无不散宴席,可是,至少,宴席上我要吃得爽!
★、我虽然相信海誓山盟,但是未必相信你啊~~
★、我要让全世界都知道我很低调。
★、我走我的阳光道,你过你的奈何桥。
★、我跟耶稣祈求踏实稳定的生活,他想了想说,咱们还是先谈谈世界和平的事吧……
★、我风情又果敢,远目且踏实,品味上乘却又勤奋自省,缺点虽多,还望大家海涵!
★、手拿菜刀砍天线,一路火花带闪电。
★、执子之手,将子拖走!子若不走,拍晕了继续拖走!
★、最简单的长寿秘决:保持呼吸,不要断气~~
★、最近总是失眠,16小时就醒一次。
★、没有不透风的墙,没有不能上吊的梁。
★、泡酒吧的男人是找刺激的,而女人,多半是受过刺激。
★、活了二十多年,没能为祖国、为人民做点什么,每思及此,伤心欲绝。
★、漫漫人生路,总会错几步。
★、爱是费尽心力地全身投入,然后再百转千回地抽身而出!
★、父母忽悠孩子叫教育;孩子忽悠父母叫欺骗;互相忽悠叫代沟。
★、特别的人从来不说自己特别,比如说我。
★、生活不是林黛玉,不会因为忧伤而风情万种。
★、生活嘛,就是生下来,活下去~~
★、男人的大脑喜欢女人的内心,但是眼睛喜欢女人的外表。
★、真的猛士,敢于直面自己未化妆的脸。
★、真羡慕你这么年轻就认识我了。
★、知识就像内裤,看不见但很重要。
★、知道你过得不好,我也就安心了。
★、绅士无非就是耐心的狼。
★、结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣,活动起来不方便,但会很温暖。
★、能够说出的委屈,便不算委屈;能够抢走的爱人,便不算爱人。
★、船撞桥头自然沉……
★、英雄不问出路,流氓不看岁数。
★、西游记告诉我们,有背景的妖怪都会被领导救走,没背景的才被一棒打死!
★、诸葛亮出山前也没带过兵啊,你们凭啥要我有工作经验!!!
★、谁耽误我一阵子,我让他后悔一辈子。
★、趁着年轻把能干的坏事都干了吧,没几年了。
★、路见不平一声吼,吼完继续往前走。
★、身穿地摊货,脚蹬温州鞋,全身上下加起来不超过200元,只有手里的包算是高级皮包,因为它的英文牌子就叫“Gaojipibao”。
★、还没来得及去沾花惹草,就被人拔光了。
★、通往成功的路,总是在施工中。
★、钱对你真的就那么重要吗?讲了3个多小时了一分钱都不降。
★、钻石恒久远,一颗就破产!
★、长个包子样就别怨狗跟着。

Written by Boathill

2011-08-27 at 12:30

Posted in humor, 搞笑

Joking Poems

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搞笑古诗词

床前明月光,李白睡的香。(床前明月光,地上鞋两双)
三个臭皮匠,味道都一样。
蚍蜉撼大树,一动也不动。
管中窥真豹,吓我一大跳。
西塞山前白鹭飞,东村河边爬乌龟。
宽衣解带终不悔,为伊消得人憔悴。
葡萄美酒夜光杯,金钱美人一大堆。
尘缘从来都如水,我喝可乐閃了嘴。
我劝天公重抖擞,天公对我吼三吼。
问君能有几多愁,恰似一壶二锅头。
借問酒家何处有,出了校門往北走。
待到山花烂漫时,我上街来把花采。
长恨村姑无觅处,不知转入此中来。
东边日出西边雨,床头打架床尾合。
人生在世不稱意,明朝紅掌拨清波。
身有彩凤双飞翼,拔毛凤凰不如鸡。
两情若是长久时,该是二人成婚时。
人生到处知何似,鸡爪啃完啃猪蹄。
不为五斗米折腰,给我六斗就可以。
贱可贱,非常贱。天行贱,君子将自贱不惜。
唧唧唧,复唧唧,木兰在打游戏机。
碧云天,黄花地,高温高压催化剂。
问世间情为何物,直教人吃饭想吐。
有情人终成父母,无情人非宅即腐。
有钱人终成眷属,有情人终生痛苦。
鸳鸳相抱何时了,鸯在一旁看热闹。
天若有情天亦老,人若多情死得早。
夜来风雨郭敬明,梦里花落知多少。
天若無情天亦老,天天被雷没烦恼。
何当共剪西窗烛,夫妻对坐到天明。
千山万水总是情,多给一分行不行。
只要貌似萨达姆,天下谁人不识君。
未料彼时人已去,空留厕纸映丹心。
天生我才必有用,关键时刻显神通。(老鼠儿子会打洞)
天生一个水涟洞,无限风光在乳峰。
结发之夫不上床,糟糠之妻不下堂。
梭爽英姿五尺枪,挑鱼斗鳖练兵场。忽悠马甲多奇志,不爱红装爱武装。
别人笑我太疯癫,我笑别人斗鸡眼。
英雄难过美人关,美人名叫赵本山。
相见时难别亦难,他們全家是脑残。
美丽得意须尽欢,不如一起吃软饭。
飞流直下三千尺,疑是便便没带纸。
李白乘舟不给钱,船夫一脚踢下船。桃花滩水深千尺,不知李白死没死。
日照香炉生紫烟,李白来到洗手间,小李飞刀一眨眼,李白顿成小太监。
商女不知亡国恨,隔江犹唱双截棍。
何事长向别时圆,我会天马流星拳。
他人笑我看不穿,我看他人什么也不穿。
书到用时方恨少,钱到月底不够花。
洛阳亲友如相问,请你不要告诉他。
新妆宜面下朱楼,李宇春哥鬼见愁。
问君能有几多愁,恰似一群太监上青楼。
一朝得志,语无伦次。江山如画皮,人生如梦遗。
美人如此多娇,被无数英雄尽折腰。
士被知己者气死,女为悦己者整容。
发展体育运动,增强人民体重。十年树新人,百年树袋熊。
人分三六九等,肉分五花三层。比上胸围不足,比下腰围有余。
天马流星拳,专治气管炎。床前明月光,咦,是地上有瓶护手霜。
擒贼先擒王,骂人先骂娘。大风起兮云飞扬,一生至爱阿迪王。
君子成人之美,小人夺你所爱。
穷则独善其身,富则妻妾成群。
英雄宝刀未老,老娘丰韵尤存。
想当年,金戈铁马;看今朝,死缠烂打。
老吾老以及人之老,妻吾妻以及人之妻。
轻轻的我走了,正如我轻轻的来。我抖一抖麻袋,不带走一棵白菜。
此系身前身后事,拖鞋丢了就不在。
收你此生全部,敛我半世癫狂。赠你一时蜜意,换你一世迷离。
史泰隆夜走华阴县,鲁提辖拳打陈冠西。
孟姜女哭倒长城干红,白娘子水漫金山词霸。
哥曾离过婚,前妻李宇春。姐也离过婚,前夫是吴尊。
哥处男、哥骄傲,哥为国家省塑料!
姐平胸、姐骄傲,姐为国家省布料!
左手抚炉,炉上有壶,壶中有水,水里有毒。
众里寻他千百度,蓦然回首,那人却在、门口小卖部。
于是饮酒乐甚,扣弦而歌之,歌曰:
死了都要爱,不淋漓尽致不痛快……

Written by Boathill

2011-01-23 at 10:28

Posted in BBS, digest, humor, Poems, rhymes

If You Are The One II (2010)

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非诚勿扰(2010)
★、上联:离了还是好朋友。下联:好合好散。横批:不过了!───离婚典礼
★、葛:我宣布芒果女士和李香山先生的离婚典礼现在开始!请二位旧人入场!(音乐)停!今天我们在一起见证,我们共同的好朋友芒果和香山结束他们维持五年的婚姻,从夫妻变回熟人。请你们对钱发誓,以下你们做出的承诺是诚实可信深思熟虑义无反顾的。芒果你诚实的回答我,把手放上!(注:指放在钱上)从今往后不论香山多么富有、多么健康、多么爱你、你都不愿和他在一起吗?
  姚:不愿意。
  葛:香山你诚实的回答我,从今往后不论芒果多么漂亮、多么动人、多么爱你,你都不愿和他在一起吗?
  孙:不愿意。
  葛:下面请二位交回戒指。我替你们挖坑埋了。要最后一吻吗?
  众:要!
  姚:不必了吧?
  孙:那就不必了!
  葛:他们说不必了。下面剪喜字!那就像熟人一样握个手吧。去呀去呀!再像熟人一样拥个抱吧,离了也是好朋友!散买卖不散交情。二位倒香槟!
  孙:不过啦!(吼的)
  又☆酒会结束后车上姚对葛说:姓秦的谢谢你啊!办的比我们结婚时都热闹。
★、一辈子很短,我愿意和你将错就错。──秦奋向梁笑笑求婚
★、人生就是一场修行。──秦奋
★、什么呀,整个一大通铺。活着扎人堆里,死了还是人挤人。──孙红雷饰演的李香山不满墓地太拥挤
★、你是找感情的,我是找婚姻的!我们俩就走岔道了。──秦奋总结和梁笑笑的关系
★、你是没赶上我好的时候……这两年,是有点虚了。──秦奋被梁笑笑体力不支,狼狈不堪。
★、你爱,或者不爱我,爱就在那里,不增不减。──香山女儿朗诵仓央嘉措的《见与不见》。
★、你的就是我的,我的还是我的。──片尾笑笑对秦奋所说。
★、你能对着钱发誓,无论对方将来多么富有,多么健康,多么爱你,都不在和他在一起吗?──离婚典礼上证婚人秦奋问芒果的话。
★、别着急,北极一时半会融化不了,就算真融化了,企鹅宝宝也会没事的。
★、你知道北极熊为什么不吃企鹅宝宝么?(无聊拍卖会的女主持)答:不知道,为什么呢?(秦奋)说:因为企鹅宝宝在南极,跟北极熊根本见不着面。讨厌……(无聊女主持人画外音)──一场无聊的拍卖活动,找一坨明星出风头,找一坨记者全城炒作,就算剑南春跟企鹅宝宝一毛钱关系也没有,也能让女主持人红的各节目头牌!!!
★、在商言商,要么你就别拿人钱,拿了人钱就得说人家好。
★、婚姻怎么选都是错的,长久的婚姻就是将错就错。
★、居家过日子犯不着肝胆相照,虚着点儿和气。──笑笑怪秦奋老撒谎,秦奋如此狡辩。
★、帝王般的享受,就是把脚当脸伺候着。──秦奋在足浴中心的感悟。
★、幸福不一定在一起,倒霉一定在一起。──秦奋语
★、怕,像走夜路,敲黑门,你不知道门后是五彩世界还是万丈深渊,怕一脚踏空,怕不是结束而是开始。──有人问香山怕不怕死,香山如此回答。
★、我们就是知心不换命,能托孤不能托妻的朋友。──香山如此形容自己和秦奋的关系。
★、把我种在花盆里,我天天对你们笑。──李香山让秦奋把自己的骨灰种在花盆里
★、散买卖不散交情。──离婚典礼贺词。
★、早知道这么冷淡,还不如娶那一年一次的呢!起码一年还有一次!──秦奋抱怨梁笑笑
★、死是另一种存在,相对于生,只会生活是一种残缺。──香山的女儿在人生告别会上的话。
★、秦奋说起选秀的评委:“冒充上流社会,哪有上流啊?全是下流。这就是一帮寄生虫,骗吃骗喝骗炮打。”一旁的芒果说,“别骂了,再骂连自己都骂了。”
★、谁动感情谁完蛋。──秦奋得知梁笑笑对自己仅限于好感,伤心地说
★、这不是病,这是命,我的命找我来了,我只能从命。──李香山得癌之后的感悟。
★、这辈子忙挣钱,忙闹感情危机,把生活都忙没了。

附:仓央嘉措情歌選編

Written by Boathill

2010-12-26 at 15:52

Posted in digest, humor, movie, review

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